he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
