I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
