check it out our google latitudes are spooning
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
