When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Randomize
