Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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