i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
