the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
