I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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