This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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