I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize