So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize