Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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