i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
