Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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