Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
