think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
