How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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