I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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