Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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