I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You ate ashes out of my bong
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
