I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
