bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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