I can feel you judging me through the phone.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It's blow job season.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
