i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
