clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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