Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
