help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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