The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
