Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
