She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
