she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
