i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
