woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
