my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
We named our party play list daddy issues
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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