Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
it's not cheating when I paid for it
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
