guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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