they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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