maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
