How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
