omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
