Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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