aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize