Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
