I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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