so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
