@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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