Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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