last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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