The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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