what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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