Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
