I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
