..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
