um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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