I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize