God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize