She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
