Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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