Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
