quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize