did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize