Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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