from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize