drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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