Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
