I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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