My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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