We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
