Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
