I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
