Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize