I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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