woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
