I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
