I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
